05.08.11 Sundays are the Best

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. It feels good.

This Sunday started out like it normally would. I walked to Yoonkyung and Hana's dorm to climb into the church van. It was especially hot in the morning, which reminds me of how Delaware generally likes to skip spring and head straight into summer weather. We arrived at church and walked across the street to the local convenience store for breakfast, something that is quickly becoming a tradition of ours. Once we had something in our stomachs, the three of us returned to start worship practice. I think it is interesting how I quickly I was accepted as part of the worship team. True, the church has maybe twenty people, but I already feel like family. It is a wonderful feeling.

I sang several songs with Yoonkyung, Hana, Miki, Takeshi, and Songhi (spelling is probably wrong, forgive me). Then, our pastor gave his message on Romans 8:26-30, which was exactly what I needed to hear. I have been feeling really down lately about not being able to communicate well in Japanese, and God definitely spoke to me about it!

Romans 8: 
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans*. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

It was the "wordless groans" that really hit me. The Holy Spirit communicates to all people in all languages, and that's because God does not use the language of men to speak to us-- he speaks directly to our very souls. It was such a moving revelation that it brought me to tears. I know that God can use me here in Japan even if I cannot speak, similar to how Moses said he was not good at speaking when he was sent to liberate Israel. Even though I came to Japan to study, it seems that God has a much bigger purpose for me here than I realized. I have already been able to speak to many nonbelievers about Christ, and my eyes have been opened to new ways of worshipping and communicating.

I was really pleased that I could understand a lot of the service today, too. Of course, Yoonkyung sat next to me and we scribbled notes back and forth, so that was helpful. Because it was Mother's Day, we sang a special song at the end of the service and gave all of the mother's flowers. It was really sweet because our pastor said to Yoonkyung, Hana, and I, that because we were exchange students, all of the mothers in the church would be our mothers! They even prayed for my mom, which almost had me crying again. Once the service was finished, Yoonkyung left to visit Osaka with her two Korean friends, so Hana and I practiced with the worship team. Before we left, a mom in the church gave Hana and I tea cups and plates since we couldn't see our mom's on Mother's Day-- how sweet!

Once our pastor dropped us off by the train station, Hana and I decided to go out for a treat. She showed me this place where we ate... I don't even know what to call it. Think of ice cream, but with the fluffy, airy consistency of cotton candy. Whatever it was called, it was absolutely delicious. Hana had to go to her part time job after that, but we met up again for dinner at a place called Kame (which means turtle). We ate omerice and talked for a while. Talking with Hana was easier than I thought it would be. She doesn't speak any English so I sometimes worry about how I will say things.

After dinner was over, we ventured back to Hana's dorm and looked up music videos on the internet. She showed me some more popular Korean and Japanese pop bands and I showed her Maroon 5. Once we got bored with that, we sat on her bed and talked about normal things, like guys we had liked in the past, etc. In the middle of our talking, Yoonkyung returned from Osaka. I was in such a silly-happy mood that I tackled her as soon as she came through the door. This led to a wrestling match that was interrupted frequently by fits of giggles. The rest of the night continued in a similar fashion to the point where I was breathless from how much I had been laughing. I ended up leaving the dorm around midnight and remember admiring the sleeping city streets and thinking: "Life is good."

Um. I can explain?

05.07.11 The Upside

Today was much better than yesterday. The striking contrast was even apparent in the weather (God has a sense of humor.)

At 1:30 I had soccer practice in the blazing heat. (Okay, so it was probably upper 70's, but it's the hottest day we've had so far.) Once again, everyone was wearing long sleeves and pants except for me. This is one thing I refuse to conform to in Japan. Practice was a lot of fun. I felt the need to spontaneously break out into song whenever I deemed necessary (which was often.) In particular, I repeated the chorus to Girls' Generation's "Gee," which is ridiculously catchy. In general, I had a positive attitude and was joking with everyone who came close enough to interact with me. Hinako, our team's captain, even had me show a dribbling drill to the freshmen and I was able to teach them some things through show-and-tell (like how you should be on your toes when you play instead of flat footed), which was not hindered by the fact that I didn't know how to explain it in Japanese.

We ended practice early because it was extremely hot, but even so, we were done around 4:30 PM. Afterwards, I showered, ate, and ventured out into Nara to attend E.S.S (English Speaking Society), which is run by Kana and a few other students from different universities nearby. They use a building that is attached to Nara's tourist center. Kana showed it to me when we went out for dinner last night so I had no problem finding it.

When I first got there it was awkward (as usual). The set up was similar to a classroom, with long tables organized in rows. However, I was determined to be more social and started to talk to the people around me. Because everyone who comes to E.S.S is trying to learn English, it wasn't difficult to communicate. Kana started off the club meeting by having everyone fill out a series of questions (in English) on a piece of paper. They were learning the difference between did you~ and have you~, which I personally find somewhat difficult to differentiate between. Of course, Kana asked me to explain the difference to everyone so I explained it the best I could. I'm not sure if everyone really understood me though. After everyone had finished filling out their questions, we went around the room asking them to each other. I met a lot of nice people this way, many of whom go to my school. Once we were done with the activity, we had "free talk," which required separating people into groups and introducing ourselves in English. This was the most fun for me because I got to learn about everyone and ask questions.

There was one hitch in the night when I met a guy during free talk who had lived in California for fifteen years. He seemed generally disinterested in the conversation we were having and very rudely stated that he was tired and wanted to get drunk instead of be in E.S.S. I was somewhat put off my his nonchalant attitude and his apparent animosity towards Japan. He had moved to Japan about three years ago, right when he started going to college. Funny thing was he was obviously Japanese and spoke it fluently! It takes all types, I guess... I avoided him after free talk was over. It was at this point that everyone was divided again, this time into three large groups. Apparently, E.S.S. puts on musicals every year (again, in English!) I was placed in the group that will be doing The Little Mermaid. Personally, I always wanted to participate in the musicals when I was in high school, but I never could because I played sports. I was super excited to have the opportunity to be in one, but learned that Kana wanted me to judge the three teams because I am a native English speaker. (They turn the shows into a competition so it requires a judge.) I was a little disappointed, but I am hoping that Kana can find someone else to be the judge so I can be involved. (Cross your fingers for me!)

Kana explains the concept of the day

Once E.S.S. was officially adjurned, everyone walked down the street to the 24-hour McDonalds to have dinner and talk. I was pleasantly surprised to find the food at the McDonalds to be really delicious. Unlike in America, not everything is drenched in grease so it actually has a taste. Also, the portion sizes are smaller so you don't feel like you've driven a semi-truck through your stomach afterwards. I stayed and talked with everyone for a while, trying to learn some Japanese words when I could. Everyone thanked me for coming and asked for me to come back. I think I will since everyone was so nice. It was cool to meet students from other universities, too. It seems that a lot of people commute by train to go to school. Sounds nice!

In any case, today was a total 180 degree change from Friday. I just need to stay positive!

05.06.11 Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted

Today should have been a great day. It started out well enough, anyway. After chatting with my freshly graduated best friend Michelle via Skype, I went on campus to eat lunch before my only Friday class.

I am not sure how it happened, really. Maybe it had something to do with how all of the cute Japanese girls were congregating in groups at their individual lunch tables while I sat alone in the corner. I had dressed up in the outfit I had bought in Osaka, and even though I was looking cute as a button it didn't seem to have any effect on my mood. After all, no one I knew was around to care.

I sat through lunch by myself, my mood plummeting fast. Then, across the shoukudo I spotted Hana. I walked over to her only to find out that Yoonkyung wouldn't be coming to class with me because her two Korean friends were supposed to be arriving in Japan soon. A sudden fear gripped me at the thought of going to class alone, especially since I hadn't completed the reading in time. It was my least favorite class, and probably the hardest one for me to understand. I had no desire to go.

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, I was reminded of how much I miss my family. (Mother's day is on Sunday, and both my brother and my mother's birthdays are next week.)

Hana and I walked around campus, apparently because she was waiting for Yoonkyung and I didn't want to be in the shoukudo anymore. By the time we made one lap around the school I was crying. I honestly had no reason to cry. Yesterday was freakin' fabulous, and the morning went smoothly. I found myself repeatedly saying to Hana that I can't speak Japanese at all and that I miss my family.

For me, I think not being able to speak is absolute torture. I am so used to voicing my opinions and expressing myself. I want to be able to speak fluently and have people understand me. I envy Yoonkyung and Bea for being able to speak two languages fluently and try their hand at a third. Each day in Japan seems like a new blow to my self esteem, and I find myself speaking more English than Japanese on a regular basis.

Hana did her best to comfort me. She even told me in her broken English that: "Jesus is your best friend-- Amerika mo, Nihon mo!" (In both America and Japan.) That girl is so precious. Mid-cry, Maki san happened to walk by and spot us. She came over to make sure I was okay and together the two of them persuaded me to cut Inoue sensei's class. (Okay, not a lot of persuading had to be done, but I did feel incredibly guilty for not going.) Honestly though, I think I would have burst into tears all over again if I went to class so I am glad I decided not to go.

Hana and I walked back to her dorm, which is the same dorm Yoonkyung lives in. We sat in her room for a while until Yoonkyung came by. Shortly after, we went to Yoonkyung's room and I was able to meet her two Korean friends who are visiting on their vacation. Neither one can speak Japanese, but they can both speak pretty good English. It was interesting because they would speak to me in English, to Yoonkyung in Korean, and Yoonkyung would speak to me in Japanese! Confusing, right? Yoonkyung was nice enough to invite me to come with them as she showed her friends around Nara. Having nothing else to do, and still in a surprisingly crappy mood, I agreed. I had fun for the most part, but there were some major downers to our outing:

-I felt like a third (fourth?) wheel
-I had no idea what any of them were saying when they spoke Korean
-I was approached by a strange man who decided to rant to me about how terrible literature and the publishing industry are (in English, no less). First creeper I have met in Japan. I was starting to think there weren't any!
-I got horrible blisters on my pinky toes from wearing flats
-I got a headache, probably from dehydration
-Most, if not all of the places we went I had been to before
-I forgot that I promised to meet a friend of mine to help her with her English. She called me to ask where I was and after that my mood was completely ruined

I felt horrible for forgetting about Kana, so I left a short while later to meet her for dinner. I am really happy Yoonkyung invited me out with her friends, and the two of them were very nice to me, but I felt completely out of place. Out of all the days I have been in Japan, today was the day I have felt the most alone-- for reasons I can't fully explain.

Fed the deer again today. Notice the cute outfit

Dinner with Kana

At least with Kana I was able to speak English the whole time. She wanted me to speak English with her since she is applying for a government program soon that will require her to speak it fluently. For someone who has never studied in an English speaking country, her English is really good! Definitely better than my Japanese, anyway. The two of us went out for dinner and talked about everything we could think of. Tomorrow I will go to E.S.S (English Speaking Society) with her in order to help everyone practice. Kana assured me that it wasn't a problem that I had forgotten about our meeting, but to me it was a big deal. This whole day was a giant mess of mistakes and mix-matched emotions.

Although I hate being alone more than anything, right now I just want to curl into a ball on my futon and not talk to anyone. Man, that sounds depressing. Well, even though today was awful, here is a positive thought: it can't get any worse, right?
  

05.04-05.11 Kyoto Soccer and Osaka Day Trip

I didn't write a blog yesterday because I was too tired by the time I got back to do anything except eat and sleep. As a result, this is going to be a long post.

I slept in until almost 11 am on Wednesday, which was a bit unusual for me. I was ready to go right before it was time for me to meet up with Hinako and Sachyo, two of my teammates. While walking to the train station we ran into Miyuki and the four of us rode together to Kyoto.

Once in Kyoto, we went to the Kyoto University of Education. Apparently, Miyuki will be going there next year for graduate school! It quickly became apparent to me that we didn't have enough people for a whole team. There was maybe six or seven of us total. Then I discovered that we were going to be paired up with another club team who was visiting Kyoto. Together, the two halves of our teams made a whole. We warmed up together for about thirty-forty minutes, which I felt was unnecessary considering how blazing hot it already was. The team we were with seemed older and more skilled, and we worked well together. When it came time for the game, we played against Kyoto's club team. Although we played better the entire time, we only tied (1-1). I ended up getting a huge scratch on my leg from falling on the dirt field (ouch!). After the game formally ended, everyone practiced free kicks together. I found out that the coach for Kyoto's team is a professional soccer player-- wow!

By the time it was time to leave, we had been in Kyoto for six hours! I was extremely hungry, but we didn't stop to eat. Instead, we pressed on to the train station and rode back to Nara, which took about an hour. As soon as I got in to my dorm I ate, showered, and went to bed. Being outside all day in the hot sun while running around wasn't the most fun I've had during golden week, but it was still a good experience.

Now, on to the best part of Golden Week-- my trip to Osaka with Yoonkyung! It was even more fun that I expected it to be. The two of us left Nara a little after 10 am, taking the train to Osaka, which took us about 45 minutes. As soon as we got off the train I was completely absorbed by the shops and builidings of Osaka. It immediately reminded me of New York City, especially with all of the large, colorful signs that stretched down every street corner. The first thing we did was stop for coffee at Starbucks. (It was just as expensive as in the USA, but worth every yen.) Then, we scoured the streets for a place to eat, taking pictures of everything in sight along the way. We even took pictures of Osaka's famous clown, running man, and crab restaurant. Of course, we had to eat takoyaki first (Osaka is famous for it.) I was stoked to eat it again, and it tasted even better the second time around!

This clown is a famous landmark in Osaka

Fresh takoyaki

After being tourists for a little bit, we decided to venture into some of the stores. Inside SEGA world I got to do puri kura for the first time, which is basically a photo booth on steroids. We got to take a series of pictures, all of which were enhanced and prettified by the machine's computer, and then we got to draw pictures and add cool effects to each one in order to suit our tastes. It was an incredible amount of fun and I can't wait to do it again. After that, Yoonkyung and I shopped around a bit. She needed to buy some pants, which she eventually found at G.U. (a Japanese store that is kind of like H&M.) I even bought a cute skirt and shirt, which I plan to wear tomorrow. We weaved in and out of stores in the process just for the fun of it. It was surprising to see a lot of store names that I recognized. Later on when we were hungry again Yoonkyung made sure that I got to eat food that I have never had before (see pictures below), and after we were full we went into a department store and tried out all of their massage chairs.

Our photobooth pics!

Relaxing in a massage chair

Around 5:00, Yoonkyung and I met up with Hana and two of her Chinese friends who also go to school in Nara. Together, we went to do karaoke. I think Yoonkyung and I have the most fun when we do karaoke together. We rocked out to a few songs, but I think my favorite was our rendition of Josh Groban's "You Lift Me Up." (Jamie, that one was for you!) Check out facebook for videos if you're interested. Once we had our fill of karaoke, we went to dinner at a famous Chinese restaurant. Then again, maybe it was infamous? The interior decorating contained larger than life replicas of male and female genitalia coming out of the walls. To me it didn't inspire the correct atmosphere for fine dining, but everything we ate was absolutely amazing. Again, most of it was new to me, but I tried everything until I couldn't eat anymore.

In the Chinese restaurant

The five of us decided we needed to walk off our meal, so we first went in search of "omiyage" (souveniors). I bought some cute takoyaki inspired gifts for a couple of my friends back home, along with a cute kissing takoyaki cell phone charm to share with Yoonkyung as thanks for taking me to Osaka. Then we went to a large arcade where we got to play a few games. I'm proud to say that I beat everyone in Mario Kart. I've got skills, what can I say?

Souvenior shop!

Arcade

Mario Kart champ!

Prizes that Yoonkyung shared with us all

takoyaki kissing cellphone charms-- kawaii!

We rode back to Nara around 10:00 PM. I returned energized and completely happy with how the day turned out. I think it's safe to say that I will be going back to Osaka sometime in the near future. Special thanks to Yoonkyung and Hana for making my Golden Week experience something really special!

Back to reality tomorrow. Yuck!

05.03.11 Understanding

Today wasn't very interesting for the most part. I lazed around my room, did laundry, and managed to sneak in a three hour nap towards the latter part of the day until a dog woke me up. I am extremely curious as to why a dog was in our dorm. I don't think I will ever find out though.

At 7:30, Yoonkyung invited me over to dinner at her dorm. I had the chance to meet her old Japanese teacher, Kimiko, who is visiting for Golden Week. Although Kimiko san is Japanese, she teaches at Yoonkyung's old university in Korea. She looked maybe twenty years old, but I found out she was actually 31. (All Asians look like they are in their early twenties to me!) She was incredibly nice, and I found her Japanese clear and easy to understand. In fact, I think there was only two or three words she said that I didn't understand, but they didn't hinder me from understanding. I realized that the entire time I was talking to Yoonkyung, Hana, and Kimiko san, I was actually able to understand the conversations without asking for help. This revelation was a big deal for me-- now if only I could improve my speaking abilities...

For dinner, Yoonkyung made the Korean version of miso soup in addition to some delicious pork belly, mushrooms, and kimchi. The point was to put the ingredients into a lettuce leaf, add rice, and eat it all at once. Think of the Korean version of tacos and you have a pretty good idea of what it was like. Apparently it's called "samgyopsa". In any case, it was absolutely delicious, especially when we added the sauce she had. Afterwards, the four of us sat in Yoonkyung's room and watched Japanese television. I don't think I'll ever understand it. It's just too... weird. Around 11 PM, Yoonkyung walked me home. I hope one day I can cook something for her. It's unfortunate that I really can't cook anything!

Tomorrow I have a soccer game in Kyoto, but what I'm really looking forward to is my trip to Osaka on Thursday with Yoonkyung. It's going to be fun, I know it!

05.02.11 Todaiji Parade and Good Eats

I am so incredibly full right now that it's difficult to breathe! Needless to say, Mondays are still awesome.

I woke up around 10 AM and got ready for the day. Around 11 AM, Bea and I met up in the kitchen to eat the lunch that she prepared from her leftovers. Once we finished eating, we set out together to Todaiji where there was a huge parade. Apparently, this parade has been going on for over 1,300 years-- wow! I took a million pictures, and we got to eat some of the best street food (no tako yaki for me though-- I am waiting until I go to Osaka for that one). Once we saw the entire procession two times through, we decided it was time to go. On our way back, we ran into Melanie and Rafael, the two French exchange students. Things were somewhat awkward since Bea had recently been upset with Melanie, but I was able to grin and bear it until I had to go my separate way.

tako yaki-- my favorite!

I left them early because I had planned to meet up with a girl in my dorm who had asked me for help with English. Around 3 PM we met in the kitchen. Li Nana is a very sweet 28-year-old Chinese graduate student who basically had me edit and correct her master thesis. She had to write it in Japanese AND English, neither of which are her native language. Talk about difficult! She continuously told me how grateful she was that I was helping her. I could tell she had been under a lot of stress while writing the paper. Apparently it took her one month to write it all! In four hours, I had edited everything. Although it was tiring, I was more than happy to help out, especially when I saw how relieved she was. Once we finished, Li treated me to dinner at the Italian restaurant I went to with Mao and Nguyen about a month ago. I feel like she ordered everything on the menu! I was SO stuffed by the time we left, and she paid for it all, insisting that we go to the restaurant where she works the next time we have dinner together. She also gave me a cute cellphone charm from Beijing. Everything she did stressed just how much she valued what I felt to be a simple favor.

Before we parted ways, Li gave me a hug. It surprised me since no one in Japan (other than Yoonkyung and Hana) have voluntarily hugged me! She said that she was a bit apprehensive when she first approached me to ask for help since she didn't know me, but that she had told her friend yesterday how incredibly nice I was when we met and that she was glad she had the courage to ask me. I assured her that any time she needed help, she could come to me.

"If you weren't here, I wouldn't know anyone who could help me edit my paper!" She said to me. It was a very humbling statement. Even though I don't understand very much Japanese, I still have amazing opportunities to help people and show kindness to them. Despite the language barrier I face everyday, I continue to meet incredible people. It's great to have made another friend, especially since Li also understands just how difficult it is to speak Japanese.

God is blessing me incredibly. My world just got a little bit bigger.

05.01.11 One Month Down

Quick summary of yesterday since I didn't do an official blog post:

I went to soccer practice at 1:30. There were maybe ten of us who showed up. I can only assume this was because it's Golden Week and a lot of people are on vacation. Even so, I would have felt bad for not going since I missed the last game and Wednesday's practice. Miyuki and I paired up, which is always fun because she speaks a good mix of English and Japanese and is a great teacher. She continues to teach me Kansai ben, which I use whenever I want to get a laugh out of someone. Apparently, Miyuki and some of my other teammates are still set on having a pizza party at my dorm so we may arrange to do that in a week or two. Also, similar to how Yuu and his mother kanjified my name, I asked my teammates to come up with something for me. So, they came up with this:

心凛

It loosely translates to "dignified soul." Sweet, right? Anyway, our next game is on Wednesday in Kyoto so I am pretty stoked about that. Now, back to today's news.

The day started out pretty rough because I learned that my close friend's brother had been found dead in his apartment. It came as a shock to everyone in her family and it upset me that I couldn't be there for her in person. Thankfully, she knows Jesus and has strong faith that will carry her through this tragedy, but I am concerned for her family. After talking with her briefly, I set out for church with a heavy heart.

The news weighed heavily on my mind throughout the entire service. I sang songs of praise and listened to a message about how Jesus sets people free from sin, but I was incredibly subdued the entire time. Even when the congregation prayed over me, I had trouble staying focused. Since Yoonkyung and Hana had to practice with the worship team afterwards, we didn't leave church until 3 PM. By then, I was feeling terribly homesick. Sunday has always been family day for me in America. It was also the day I usually got to spend with my close friend. The combination of events and the timing really made my heart ache.

Thank God for Yoonkyung. When church was over and I had explained to her how I was feeling, she took me out for coffee and we talked for a couple of hours. I told her about my family and our Sunday traditions and about my friend and how I was lucky enough to see her come to Christ. And I finally got to tell Yookyung how happy I was to have met her, and how she is the only person I can truly be myself with. We no longer call each other friends, but "shimai" (sisters). From the coffee shop we met up with Hana and went out for dinner. A big bowl of rice and meat only further improved my mood (shocking, I know). By the time I returned to my dorm, I was feeling 100% better.

I have survived the first month! Hopefully things will only get easier from here. With the help of my new friends, I feel that my Japanese has improved dramatically. Now it's just a matter of continuing to get better, if only a little more each each day.

I know I can do it!