05.18.11 In a Funk

Yep. You read that right. I am in a funk. I think "funk" is the perfect word to describe it since the word itself is extremely awkward. It also kind of looks like something else if you don't read it carefully. That, however, is just a coincidence.

I should be happy. Nothing went wrong today. Maybe I just have a bad attitude. Maybe it's "that time of the month" (for the record, I hate when women use that excuse). I don't really know. All I know is that I better get out of it-- and soon.

Bea, Yoonkyung, and I met up at 9:00 am to go to Konami. After two stops to a convenience store (one for a snack, the other for an atm), and one stop at the grocery store (so Yoonkyung could buy a drink), we finally got to the gym. It took us a while to register because we had to fill out paperwork, take a picture for an ID card, pay for our first month, etc, etc. The entire process was extremely long, boring, and frustrating. It makes me feel dumb when I can't do the simplest of things. However, we finally registered and were able to go into the locker room by 11:00. Yoonkyung and I went to the pool while Bea decided to go to the weight lifting and cardio area. I haven't swam in a long time so it was challenging for me, but it was relaxing at the same time. When we had spent a solid half 45 minutes or so in the pool, Yoonkyung and I dipped in the hot tub before hitting the showers. After we were ready and dressed, Bea and I were given a short orientation by one of the staff members. He was nice and friendly, and he spoke slow enough for me to understand. Ultimately, a gym is a gym no matter where in the world you are. Thank God for my experience working at UNCG's Rec Center. Even if I couldn't understand the Japanese, I think I will always be comfortable in a gym environment.

Since I had only eaten a snack bar before going to the gym, I was absolutely starving when we left around 12:30. I was supposed to meet a Chinese girl at 1:00 to help her with her English, but I texted her to reschedule for 3:30 so I would be able to eat with Yoonkyung and Bea. We met up with Hana and one of her friend's as we were leaving, and they took us to a nearby buffet where we could eat as much as we wanted for 1,000 yen. The food was sub par, but it wasn't awful. I ate as much as I could and didn't really talk. Whenever I am upset I tend to be quiet. I don't think people in Japan realize this though since it seems like a fairly normal thing for people not to say much.

When we returned to the dorm, I wanted to study Japanese, but both Bea and Yoonkyung had plans of their own so I didn't ask for their help. On the way back to my room, I ran into the house mother again. I was glad Bea was with me this time, because the woman decided to ask if I had taken out my trash this morning. I hadn't because I opted to sleep in, so, of course, she insisted that I bring the trash to her right away. It was all I could do not to cry or curse, or both, but I held my tongue.

Once the trash situation was taken care of, I passed out for about an hour. It wasn't because my body was tired that I decided to take a nap, but because I was feeling awful and wanted to forget about people for a little while. I woke up around 3:30 to wait for Xiu, the girl I was supposed to help. However, by 4:00 there was still no sign of her. She sent me a text message around 4:00 to say she was on her way, but by 4:30 she still hadn't arrived so I went to soccer practice, irritated that I had waited an hour for nothing.

Soccer practice was also somewhat "blah" today. Only eight people showed up so it wasn't as fun as usual. We ended by 7:00, and since I hadn't eaten since noon, I was starving again. Luckily, I ran into Bea and she offered to cook for us while we studied Japanese. It was a relief to go over some things with her that I had been struggling with. There is still so much I don't know, which constantly irritates me. I know that I learned on Sunday that I am supposed to have joy in every circumstance, but for a highly emotional person like myself it isn't always so easy.

I miss everyone back home. I want to hug all of my friends. I want to talk and laugh with them, make inside jokes, use slang and be understood, reference movies and song lyrics and have people respond likewise, but more than anything I just want to hear "I love you"-- in perfect English-- from my family and the other important people in my life. This type of homesickness is so different from the kind I experienced when I first went away to college. This may very well be the "culture shock" people so often reference, but even that isn't quite right. Maybe "culture sickness" is a better way to describe it. The worst thing about it is that I don't really think there is a cure. It is just something I have to learn to live with. I was never able to hide my emotions though, so I am not sure if I will be able to "grin and bear it".

どうしよう？