It was a gloomy Sunday, both literally and figuratively. Although I went to church, I was tired and sleepy so I didn't really pay attention to what was said. Instead, I had a time of self-reflection where I practiced free writing in my journal as a way of having a conversation with God. As I poured out my troubles and concerns to Him in nearly illegible writing, God spoke gently to me via my favorite Bible verse:
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
So that's what I tried to do. During prayer, I was completely quiet to the point where I almost fell asleep. I tried to rest in God's presence, and when it came time to practice for worship, my heart was lifted slightly. Music tends to improve my mood, as you may know.
Afterwards though, I was back to my gloomy, self-doubting self. Even during church I tended to focus on how I couldn't speak to people or understand anything, but then again, I wasn't really in the mood to try. Because Hana and Yoonkyung both had to work, I returned to my dorm and took a quick nap. When I woke up, I went to the gym with Bea, although I would have rather slept.
I am extremely glad that I went to the gym though, because exercise is the best way for me to relieve stress (other than singing). I ended up running like a mad woman on the treadmill. In about 40 minutes I had ran more than 6 kilometers. For those who can't do the metric conversion in their heads, that's 4 miles! It's really strange to me how quickly my endurance has built up during my short time here in Japan. I can only imagine it is because I do soccer or some other sport daily, not to mention the fact that I have to walk everywhere. Once we finished, I went back to the dorm completely satisfied.
Though I should have studied, I ended up relaxing and chatting with friends on the internet instead. I think it was good though, because I was able to laugh and express myself, and generally be encouraged by my friends back home. I talked to Yoonkyung, too, mainly because I felt bad for how I had been acting the past two days and wanted to apologize. Of course, she completely understood where I was coming from and reassured me once again.
I have to remember that I have only been in Japan for two months, and have really only studied Japanese for a year and a half to two years. I can't keep comparing myself to people like Melanie, Bea, or Yoonkyung because they have all been here for a year or more. I also have to remember to try speaking in crowds, because that's the only way I will improve my conversation skills.
Bea told me something the other day that really encouraged me. She said something along these lines: "You are doing an amazing thing. Even though you have studied for maybe two years, you came to Japan and will probably be at my level by the time you leave. I have studied for over three years. You are doing great!"
Over and over again, my friends back home have told me how gutsy I am for going to learn in a country where they speak a completely foreign language-- that I have courage for trying to learn Japanese while taking classes in Japanese. And they are right!
As my mom told me a week or so ago: "You are an ordinary person doing extraordinary things." As long as I can remember all of these things, I think I can maintain a positive attitude. The trick is not to get down on myself. Easier said than done, but I am willing to try!
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
So that's what I tried to do. During prayer, I was completely quiet to the point where I almost fell asleep. I tried to rest in God's presence, and when it came time to practice for worship, my heart was lifted slightly. Music tends to improve my mood, as you may know.
Afterwards though, I was back to my gloomy, self-doubting self. Even during church I tended to focus on how I couldn't speak to people or understand anything, but then again, I wasn't really in the mood to try. Because Hana and Yoonkyung both had to work, I returned to my dorm and took a quick nap. When I woke up, I went to the gym with Bea, although I would have rather slept.
I am extremely glad that I went to the gym though, because exercise is the best way for me to relieve stress (other than singing). I ended up running like a mad woman on the treadmill. In about 40 minutes I had ran more than 6 kilometers. For those who can't do the metric conversion in their heads, that's 4 miles! It's really strange to me how quickly my endurance has built up during my short time here in Japan. I can only imagine it is because I do soccer or some other sport daily, not to mention the fact that I have to walk everywhere. Once we finished, I went back to the dorm completely satisfied.
Though I should have studied, I ended up relaxing and chatting with friends on the internet instead. I think it was good though, because I was able to laugh and express myself, and generally be encouraged by my friends back home. I talked to Yoonkyung, too, mainly because I felt bad for how I had been acting the past two days and wanted to apologize. Of course, she completely understood where I was coming from and reassured me once again.
I have to remember that I have only been in Japan for two months, and have really only studied Japanese for a year and a half to two years. I can't keep comparing myself to people like Melanie, Bea, or Yoonkyung because they have all been here for a year or more. I also have to remember to try speaking in crowds, because that's the only way I will improve my conversation skills.
Bea told me something the other day that really encouraged me. She said something along these lines: "You are doing an amazing thing. Even though you have studied for maybe two years, you came to Japan and will probably be at my level by the time you leave. I have studied for over three years. You are doing great!"
Over and over again, my friends back home have told me how gutsy I am for going to learn in a country where they speak a completely foreign language-- that I have courage for trying to learn Japanese while taking classes in Japanese. And they are right!
As my mom told me a week or so ago: "You are an ordinary person doing extraordinary things." As long as I can remember all of these things, I think I can maintain a positive attitude. The trick is not to get down on myself. Easier said than done, but I am willing to try!
That's my girl! :D
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